Potion Triangulated
by RockSunner
Summary: Like my other AU, "Potionate," but this is another way things could have gone wrong at the diner on the day of the Woodstick Festival.
1. Triangulated

Like my other AU, "Potionate," but this is another way things could have gone wrong at the diner. All characters belong to Alex Hirsch, not me.

**Potion Triangulated**

Robbie took a closer look at the portion of chili fries in front of him. "Pink stuff? It must be some sort of mold. This is a new low for Greasy's Diner. I'm out of here."

"Me too," said Tambry, getting up from her seat and continuing her status update on her phone.

"Wait!" Mabel yelled, running out from behind the counter. "Please try them, just a nibble. I promise they will make you feel a lot better."

"So it was you who dumped the pink junk on my food!" said Robbie. "Trying to make it all cute for the blind date you set up, I guess. I should have known not to trust a Pine."

"Sorry Mabel, it's just not going to work," said Tambry. "Robbie and I are so not happening."

Mabel looked down at the floor, discouraged by the failure of her matchmaking attempt. Even with the help of a potion from a Love God...

"I'll try those fries, Mabel," said a familiar deep voice.

Mabel looked up and saw that Grenda had entered the diner while she was preoccupied. Candy wasn't with her today.

Grenda glommed a handful of fries and stuffed them into her mouth.

"Wait!" cried Mabel, but was too late. Quickly Mabel pulled off her sweater and threw it over Grenda's head. Fortunately for her modesty, she had another sweater on underneath, her rainbow prism one.

"There was love potion on the fries. Don't look at anyone or you'll fall in love with them."

"Huh?" said Grenda. "Love? Mabel, are you flirting with me? That's really nice..."

"No!" Mabel said, "Hurry, we've got to get you to Dipper at the Mystery Shack. He'll find something in his book to take the love spell off of you... I hope."

Grenda giggled. "You want me to go home with you blindfolded? Sure!"

Mabel hustled Grenda out the door and onto the sidewalk.

"Just a second, Grenda. I have to dispose of the extra fries before they do any more damage."

Mabel turned back and carefully picked up the paper container of fries by its corner and got it into the trash without touching any of the potion.

While she was gone, Grenda groped forward. "Mabel? Don't leave me here alone."

Grenda's right hand, still sticky with pink sauce from the fries, touched someone passing by on the sidewalk.

"Hey, you got your pink mess on my white blouse," said Pacifica Northwest. "Who do you think you are? And... where have you been all my life?"

"Pacifica! No!" said Mabel. She pushed between Grenda and Pacifica.

"There you are, Mabel!" cried Grenda. "I hear you!"

She hugged Mabel from behind, getting potion on her as well.

Mabel was looking at Pacifica, and she felt a surge of feelings well up. Why hadn't she realized it before? Pacifica was perfect for her.

Pacifica reached around Mabel and pulled the sweater off of Grenda's face.

"Grenda, it's you! All of a sudden you got a lot more likeable," said Pacifica. "Out of my way, hobo Mabel. I've got to talk to Grenda."

"Stop teasing me, Pacifica," said Grenda. "I don't like you. I never did. But I like you, Mabel, a huge huge bunch."

Mabel looked at them both. Pacifica glared at her, and turned to Grenda with a look of adoration. Grenda looked at Mabel with eyes full of longing.

"What have I done?" said Mabel. "I've turned us into a tragic love triangle!"


	2. Circle of Pain

**Circle of Pain**

Mabel asked, "Pacifica, can't you like me just a little? I mean, after our golf game..."

Pacifica said, "I thought I was warming up to you a little, but not any more. You're a rival for Grenda and I hate you. Anyway, you cheated in that game and put me in danger. I don't remember how, but I'm sure you did."

"I said I was sorry and gave you a sticker!" said Mabel. "And a taco."

"Big deal," said Pacifica.

Grenda said, "Mabel, we're friends, but I want us to be more. I think you feel the same, deep down. Remember when I held you and we read _Wolfman Bare Chest_ novels together? You got all sweaty and stirred up."

"That was Dipper in my body," said Mabel.

"Grenda, she's a nut case," said Pacifica. "Look at me. You're so solid and real, a wonderful earthy woman. I've never had a person like you in my life."

"Because nobody real could stand you," said Grenda.

"I can offer you so much more than Mabel can. I can buy you anything you want. I can get everyone to stop bullying you. As my friend you'll be with the in crowd."

"You were always the leader of the bullies," said Grenda to Pacifica. "I don't know what you're really up to right now, and I don't care. I don't trust you and I don't like you. Mabel, let's get away somewhere private."

"Can't we all be friends?" asked Mabel. "Please. What about a group hug?"

"With you? Don't make me laugh," said Pacifica.

"With her? Forget it," said Grenda. "Mabel, I don't get why you're betraying your friends for this b... this bully."

"Mabel will be gone at the end of the summer and you'll have a long-distance relationship, if that," said Pacifica. "In fact... once I get my parents to call her parents and tell them how she broke into a mini-golf course in the middle of the night, they'll make her go home right away."

"You wouldn't!" said Mabel.

"If you do anything like that against Mabel, I'll never speak to you again," said Grenda.

"We're making ourselves miserable," said Mabel. "I've got to come clean about something."

"What?" asked Pacifica. "That you're a low-life bum?"

"You're not going to like this," said Mabel.

"I'm sure I won't," said Pacifica.

"Go ahead. I don't think anything you say could make me angry," said Grenda.

"I put a love potion on some fries to help a guy I know get a new girlfriend. Grenda, you ate them and then got some of the potion on Pacifica and me. That's why we're in this mess."

Pacifica said, "What?"

"Love potion. Whoever it touches falls instantly in love with the next person they see. Grenda with me, you with Grenda, and me with you."

"So you're saying the way I'm feeling is because of some crazy drug that's going to wear off after a while?" asked Pacifica.

"I don't think it will wear off. It's magic, not some chemical. I got it from a real Love God, a Cupid."

"Mabel, I know my feelings are real," said Grenda. "I had them a little before today. They just got stronger, is all."

"I can't believe this. I opened my heart and now it turns out you were both just manipulating me with a date-rape drug," said Pacifica.

"We didn't mean to. Grenda just blindly bumped into you. But I was starting to like you on my own, too. I wanted us to be friends. And it's not a date-rape drug," said Mabel

"If you take away someone's choice of consent, it's rape. I should knock you down and stomp all over you. But... I can't do that. I'm still in love with Grenda, dammit. And that protects you from me, for the moment," said Pacifica.

"That's right, I'm protecting Mabel," said Grenda, putting up her fists.

"There's a way out of this," said Mabel. "The Love God has an anti-love potion," said Mabel. "We have to get it from him."

"You mean steal it?" asked Pacifica.

"Well... I sort of stole the first potion, too," said Mabel. "But I gave him a squirrel as payment."

"I don't want out," said Grenda. "We're friends and that means I still have a chance with you. But you for sure need to end your feelings for Pacifica."

"And I need to end my love for you," said Pacifica. "I wish it was real, but you'll never love me back."

"So let's go to the Woodstick concert and get that anti-love potion!" said Mabel. "All for one..."

"And none for all," said Pacifica.


	3. Squared Away

**Squared Away**

When Mabel didn't show up at the Thompson's garage, Wendy and the gang decided that Mabel was embarrassed by the failed blind date between Tambry and Robbie, and went on without her.

Mabel, Pacifica, and Grenda went to the concert by themselves; Pacifica bought the tickets.

"It's worth it to get the anti-love and be free," said Pacifica. "Mabel, you go first to take the potion. You can be the guinea pig to see if there are any side effects."

"Please don't call me a pig," said Mabel.

"A girl is known by the company she keeps," said Pacifica.

"I knew you were going to insult me sooner or later," said Grenda.

"Sorry, Grenda! I didn't mean you. I just meant her pet, Wiggles."

"Waddles," said Mabel.

"Whatever," said Pacifica.

They sneaked up on the van of the Love God.

"Love God! Sound check for Love God," called a roadie.

The Love God rolled out of the back of the van. "Let's make some miracles happen. Groupies, bed-head me."

Tyler the biker and a woman Mabel didn't know tousled the rock star's hair. He staggered away with them, saying, "The Love God's about to get crazy."

"Now's our chance," said Mabel.

They ran for the open back of the van, where a string of potion bottles had been left behind. Mabel picked them up.

"Let's see... Puppy Love, Inter-species Love, Love of Country Music – eew. Here it is. Anti-love. To reverse effects of love potion, simply spray on your victim and watch their heart die on the inside."

"Their heart dies on the inside?" said Pacifica. "I don't like the sound of that."

"It must be a figure of speech," said Mabel.

"Mabel, you go first," said Pacifica. "But let's get away from the van."

But when they turned around, the Love God was standing behind them.

"Hey! You're the one who's been stealing my stuff," he said. "Ugh! I am not loving this."

"I'm sorry," said Mabel. "But I made a mistake and I have to fix it."

"Kid, like I told you, this stuff is way too dangerous. On my oath as a god, I cannot let you... Hey, where did they go?"

Pacifica, Grenda, and Mabel ran between the booths. When the Love God was gaining on Mabel, she tossed the bottle to Grenda. They ran onto the stage of the Handlebar Brothers, then escaped by crowd-surfing the audience.

"Thank you!" Mabel called out.

"Ugh, they're touching everything," said Pacifica.

"That's what makes it fun," said Grenda.

The Love God followed by crowd surfing too, high-fiving and giving out autographed photos as he went.

"Here we go," said Mabel, attaching a spray-bottle top to the anti-love potion. "One good shot and I'll be fixed."

The Love God flew above them on tiny wings, and landed in front of them. "You leave me no choice. Visions of heartbreak past!"

He threw down three bottles and Mabel was surrounded by the boys she had crushed on that summer: Norman, Mermando, Gabe, the Sev'ral Timez clones, the boy she gave a rigged survey to, and even the image of Alexander Hamilton from the ten-dollar bill.

Pacifica punched through some of them. "You think we would fall for that?"

Mabel was temporarily overwhelmed by the love potion magic in the images. "You all want me to marry you?"

Grenda called, "Mabel, it's all fake."

"Just give us the bottle, Mabel," said the false Mermando.

"No!" said Mabel, pushing out of the dream. "Sorry boys, even though the girl I love doesn't want me, the potion has made me realize I like girls more than guys."

"Good for you, girlfriend," said Grenda.

But the momentary distraction had been enough. The Love God flew above her and snatched back the bottle.

He landed and said, "Sorry kids, but that's what happens when you mess with a god. Only a greater being from the heavens themselves could possibly stop..."

He stood frozen, as a giant flaming balloon head labeled "I EAT KIDS" descended directly towards him.

Grenda didn't notice this. She tackled the Love God, intent on retrieving the bottle for Mabel so she could get free of Pacifica. Her weight and strength gave her sufficient power to shove him out of the way of the crashing balloon. She rolled to her feet.

"You saved me," said the Love God. "You could have let me die, but you saved my life. I owe you one,"

"Let us use the anti-love potion," said Pacifica.

"Why would you want to use that? You would never to be able to love again for the rest of your life," the Love God said.

"No! Not that," Mabel said. "But we got love potion on us by mistake. I love Pacifica. She loves Grenda, and Grenda loves me. We're stuck in a love triangle. Isn't there anything else you can do?"

"What you need is more love, not less," said the Love God. "I have some _Ménage à Trois_ Potion that would help." He pulled out a small bottle.

"We don't need to bring a menagerie into this," said Mabel. "We just need a way to be happy together."

"That's what this does," said the Love God. He flicked the potion onto them. "Match made!"

Mabel felt her love expand to include Grenda. Then she saw Pacifica looking at her tenderly, and her heart filled with happiness.

"About that group hug," said Pacifica. "I want it now."

"Me too," said Grenda.

They all hugged, reveling in the joy of it,

"Will we be in love like this forever?" Mabel asked.

"This kind of arrangement can be tricky, but I gave you a good, strong dose," said the Love God. "If you treat each other reasonably well, all three of you can stay in love as long as you live."

"Whee!" said Mabel.

"This is fantastic!" said Pacifica. "I feel so lucky to have two such wonderful people in my life."

"You said it," said Grenda.

"Anything else I can do for you?" asked the Love God.

"I was just thinking about my other BFF, Candy Chiu," said Mabel. "She's going to feel left out. But she and my brother Dipper would be a good match."

"Are they both here?" asked the Love God.

Mabel said, "I saw Dipper around. I'll call Candy and invite her. Pacifica, would you be a dear and buy her a ticket, too?"

"Anything for you," said Pacifica.

When Candy arrived, Mabel and Grenda steered her close to Dipper. The Love God gave them a zap. "Match made!"

Candy and Dipper moved together and talked, while the trio gave them some privacy. Eventually the pair walked over to them.

Dipper said, "Candy and I have decided to go out together."

"Congratulations, bro," said Mabel. "You have a good catch there."

"So have I," said Candy, blushing. "He is so cute and brainy."

"I have news, too," said Mabel. "Pacifica, Grenda, and I are dating,"

The three of them linked arms and smiled at each other.

"What?" said Dipper. "Have you all gone insane?"

"Yep, crazy in love, that's us," said Mabel.

"I want to give you a good talking to," said Dipper. "But that can wait. Candy and I are going for a long walk together in the woods."

"Candy, before you go, I'd like to invite you to a celebration sleep-over tonight at the Mystery Shack with Grenda, Pacifica, and me," said Mabel.

"I don't know..." said Candy. She looked at Dipper.

"We'll find a way for the two of you to have some privacy," said Mabel. "Soos doesn't use his break room at night..."

"I accept," said Candy. "If you agree, dear Dipper?"

"Yes," said Dipper with a grin.

The Love God said, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some concert singing to do. The Love God is about to get crazy!"

He ran off to get ready to go on stage.

"Let's listen to him together," said Grenda.

"I'm pretty sure he's not very good," said Mabel.

"I suppose we owe him some loyalty, as satisfied customers," said Pacifica.

They stayed for the show and watched several other performances.

As they were leaving the concert grounds, they ran into Robbie, with a new girl at his side.

"Mabel, you were right. Your lame attempt to get me dating again inspired me. It was time to move on, so I came out to the concert and met Doreen here. We got talking about our common tastes in clothes, and really hit if off."

"Hi," said Doreen. She was the goth Soos had met at the "Edgy on Purpose" store at the mall, the one he wasn't sure was a guy or a girl.

"Thanks to you, I'm... happy," said Robbie, with wonder in his voice.

"Match made!" said Mabel softly to Pacifica and Grenda.

They walked on together, with Pacifica in the middle. She had an arm around each of them.

"I'll find a way to marry both of you, when we're old enough," said Pacifica.

"Big love!" said Mabel.

"Hey Mabel, guess what, we're going to marry rich!" said Grenda.

"I'm not so sure about rich," said Pacifica. "My parents will flip, and they may disinherit me. You two are worth it, though."

"They won't like you dating girls?" asked Mabel.

"I've been out of the closet with them for about a year," said Pacifica. "They're all right with that. It's just... you're not the blue-bloods a Northwest is expected to settle down with."

"Blue blood? That sounds cold," said Mabel. "Brrr."

"I like hot-blooded women like you better, anyway," said Pacifica.

"Yeah, we're totally hot," said Grenda.

"Let's go back to my room at the Mystery Shack," said Mabel. "This is going to be the best sleep-over ever!"


End file.
